Archive for September, 2007

Marry me, Hamish Blake

September 28, 2007

Bits of screenplay from a favourite movie

September 16, 2007


This film is dedicated to lonely guys everywhere.

Lonely guys have been with us since the beginning of time.

There’s one there. Poor guy.

Another new year’s eve alone in the cave.

Even a thousand years from now,

the lonely guy will still be there.

Look at this guy.

That couple will go down in history.

All he gets to do is eat roast beef from a tube.

So all you lonely guys out there, this film is for you.

It’s for guys like that guy, chin loo fung in canton, china.

He’s got married brothers and sisters,

yet still eats alone in a chinese restaurant four nights a week.

It’s for mbowie zoomba, another lonely guy.

While he’s happy that cable tv has been installed in his area,

he’d really just like to meet a nice girl with attractive lip lace.

And it’s for larry hubbard…

[larry hubbard] Hey, that’s me, fifth one down. I’ll take over the narration.

Hi, i’m larry hubbard. This is the story of how i became a lonely guy.

I came to manhattan to be a writer.

While i was working on my novel, i took a job at a greeting card firm.

It was working out pretty well.

What are you working on, hubbard?

It’s an idea i had for a new kind of sympathy card, sir.

Mmm.

“I know how much your loss must grieve you,

“but here’s a thought i’d like to leave you:

“Although you’re sad remember that…

now god is petting your pussycat. “

Beautiful! Hubbard!

– Congratulations! You’re moving up. – Thank you, sir.

– Get your things and take the front desk. – Yes, sir!

– Finley, harrison, annenberg, leach. – Yes, sir?

Stop whatever you’re doing. I want pet cards.

Birthday, anniversary. And not just cats and dogs.

I want hamsters, fish, parakeets.

I was always lucking into things like that.

New york had been pretty good to me.

The best part was, i’d met this gorgeous ballet dancer named daniele.

She was nuts about me and asked me to move right in with her.

Every day at : she’d have bathed, perfumed,

put on a sexy nightie…

and be waiting alone in a big bed just for me.

Hi, daniele. Tarzan is here.

Oh, one second while i look through my mail here.

[Muttering] Oh, geez.

Hey, a rejection from a completely new publisher.

They’re finally getting to know me in this town.

Hi, honey. You miss me?

– So, what’d you do today? Anything interesting? – Ohhh.

You gotta get out of the house. You can’t mope

around all day waiting for me to come home.

Ohhh.

This your cigar in here, honey?

All ready for me i can see, huh?

Mmm. You smell good.

I don’t believe you!

You come home, you find me in bed with another man,

you act as if nothing’s going on.

Larry, this is my lover, raoul.

We’re lovers. Understand?

– Hi, raoul. Larry hubbard. Nice to meet you. – Yeah, hi.

Have you known daniele long?

Yes, we’re dancers in the same company.

– Dancer? I thought they were all… – yes.

Well, raoul’s not! Raoul’s all man.

Yeah.

And he’s moving in tonight. After the nutcracker.

He’s bringing his things over in the morning.

Bringing his things over? There’s hardly enough room for our things!

Your things are going! I’ve already packed them!

They’re in the hall beside the garbage, and you can take ’em out all together.

I know i’m behaving strange. Probably real strange.

I’ve never been in a situation like this before.

I don’t know how to handle it. I still don’t know how to handle it.

So i was waiting, calmly,

patiently, reasonably,

’til i do figure out how to handle this kind of situation.

Hold it. I think i’ve got it.

Yes, yes.

What the hell’s going on here? What’s he doing in this bed?

You disgust me, both of you!

I’m getting out of here, and i never want to see you in my life again!

I think i handled that rather well.

[Daniele, muffled] Oh, larry, don’t forget the garbage.

I had no place to stay, nowhere to go.

There was no one to talk to. I must’ve looked pretty pitiful.

But that’s the good thing about living in a big city like new york.

At least nobody i knew was going to see me like this.



				

Shpring break!

September 14, 2007

Today is officially the first day of my mid-semester break. I’ll be back at uni on the 2nd of October, since Labour Day falls on the 1st (which also happens to be my mom’s birthday).

Sad news is it wouldn’t be much of a break though, since I’ve got two major essays to work on (both worth a huge chunk of my grade, 40% and 60%!). My case study groupmates and I have agreed to meet up next week as well to discuss our report for next month. While a good majority of the student population is scampering to leave Sydney to go on holidays or to get majorly hammered at various parties/Conception Day festivities, I am currently worrying myself to death as to how I’ll finish those papers. Boo on me.

Well, one of our friends is sleeping over tonight and we might just come up with some mellow partying suitable for our age group, i.e. post-college, mid-twenties, post-partying-is-all-about-getting-wasted-mentality people. We might just opt for some quiet conversations over a bottle of rhum and chips, and maybe have a DVD marathon if we’re still up to it.

Plans on how to spend the next seventeen days:

1. Finish international law and ICOM 815 essays.

2. Meet with case study groupmates and finally get something concrete done. (The past meetings had mostly been idle chatter and arguments hehe.)

3. Have a few drinks and quiet dinners (outdoors, I hope…and with actual people hehe!) once in a while.

4. Watch heaps of DVDs and arthouse films on SBS. I hope to finally rent Kieslowski’s Three Colours Trilogy and the director’s cut of Cinema Paradiso. Was able to get a special edition copy of A Very Long Engagement for half the price, so that’s on the list as well.

5. See at least one movie every Tuesday (cheap night here). Get in touch with a friend who’s mad about movies like I am and see if there are any good ones on in the city.

6. Clean our flat!

7. Fill out some application forms (my new top-secret project), write a few important letters.

8. Organise a trip to Hunter Valley (though I doubt I’ll have enough time or funds for this).

9. Visit some free museums in the city.

10. Improve kitchen skills and cook some real food.

11. Bask in spring sunshine! It’s getting warmer now and the weather’s been lovely — not too cold, not too hot.

12. Read the unread stuff in my bookshelf.

13. Ponder my place in the universe. HAHA.

I’ll see what else I can add to this inane list. Wishing you all a good break.

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Song in my head at the moment: Eraserheads’ Sem Break, but with the word ‘sem’ changed to ‘spring’. HAHA.

Comfort food

September 9, 2007

doritos-cheese-supreme.jpg

I’m on my fourth bag this week. Bought two bags last weekend (it was on special, just $1.50) while my flatmate and my other friend gifted me with a bag each yesterday. They know how much I heart Cheese Supreme Doritos (I can wolf down a bag in a matter of minutes). Hell, I even have Doritos for breakfast sometimes.

I know that I have got to stop eating Doritos, but once you’ve been turned into a Doritos shlut, there’s just no turning back [the accompanying theme song of this post is Chicago’s equally cheesy (pun totally intended) Hard Habit to Break].

Incidentally, Doritos is a genetically-modified snack. I’m actually growing gills as we speak.

Strongbows and other S words…

September 3, 2007

Alone again in the flat. Story of my life.

Had two Strongbows tonight. I felt a 5% buzz which gradually crept up to my head, down to my fingertips and toes. Not bad.

Coated two pieces of chicken thigh fillets with Crispy Mix and pan-fried them. I just had to vindicate myself from the cataclysmic chicken-burning failure I got myself into last weekend. Well, the fillets tonight weren’t as crispylicious as I would’ve wanted them to be, but they were superlatively better than the chicken I spectacularly burned last weekend. Not to mention the house reeked of the lethal combination of old oil and charcoal for two days (almost finished an entire can of Glade trying to remedy the situation). Well, frying had never been my strongest talent anyway.

Remember Sesame Street? They always had a particular letter of the alphabet “sponsoring” every episode. Well tonight my evening is brought to you by the letter S: Strongbow, solitude, plus one other unmentionable S that just ventures into macabre territory.

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Postscript: My International Political Economy readings for tomorrow remain unread. Ugh. I already understand that politics and economics are intertwined. Enough already.

Tomorrow’s weather forecast says a high of 15 and a low of 9. Strange, but I am quite happy to hear that.

Vosotros in slang

September 3, 2007

Saturday night. My flatmate and I just signed up to be members at our friendly neighbourhood video rental place…

Video rental guy at the counter (generic pimply-faced prepubescent kid…think: burger flipper from The Simpsons…the recurring character) : Thanks! See YOUS later!

How cute is that?!

So yeah, i’ll see yous later…